Toilet Talk
by TheonLee
Summary: I was bored and then I came up with this. It's surprising how boredom can make you go...weird. I think I need to rewrite it.


Sometimes, when you're bored…strange things happen. Go and see what I mean. : D

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Ranma was lying down in the middle of the living room of the Tendo house. He was really bored. For some reason, all the usual things that used to happen…well, they just didn't today. Kuno was at the clinic after Ranma beat him up, as usual. Shampoo, Cologne and Mousse were to go back to China for a few days for some reason. Ukyo was probably busy with her business. Happosai was off to another one of those 'training trips'.

His father and Mr. Tendo were sleeping…even though it was in the afternoon. Nabiki was in her room…so was Akane. Kasumi had gone out to buy some groceries. Ryoga was nowhere to be seen…as usual, and Ranma hadn't changed into a girl yet. Ranma yawned for the seventh time but he still couldn't sleep. He tried to watch TV but there was nothing on.

Then, he hatched an idea. He jumped off the floor and ran up the stairs. He walked up to Akane's room. He knew that his idea to get rid of boredom would annoy Akane, but he just decided to go with it. He knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" came Akane's voice from inside the room.

"It's me," Ranma replied. Moments later, the door opened.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Can I come in?" Ranma said simply. Akane looked warily at Ranma who had a big silly grin on his face.

"Um…I guess so," Akane said, unsure of what was going on with him.

"Thanks," Ranma said as he walked into the room. Akane pulled up a chair for him to sit on while she sat on her bed.

"So…what do you want?" Akane asked.

"Y'know, the toilet in this house is really nice," Ranma suddenly said. That caught Akane off guard. She saw that Ranma was still grinning.

"Um…are you okay?" she asked.

"Of course. After going to the toilet I felt so relieved."

"Uh…yeah, I guess you're right."

"Oh c'mon, Akane. Play along with me. Don't say that you're not bored."

"Um…okay I guess," Akane said, shrugging.

"How long do you spend your time in the toilet?"

"Well, I guess it depends. Whether I was um…"

"Just come right out and say it," Ranma said.

"Okay, fine. It depends on whether I was peeing or pooping. Can I use pooping?"

"Yeah sure. Yeah, I guess it depends on what comes out," Ranma said. "What color is your pee?"

Akane flushed at that. "What kind of a question is that?!" she raised her voice.

"Well, I just want to know if you drank enough water or not. Yellow means you need more water. Colorless means you're alright."

"How do you even know this?" Akane asked.

"C'mon, we're martial artists, not aliens. We still need to pee y'know."

Akane gave out a light laugh at that. "Well, if you wanna know then its light yellow," Akane gave the answer.

"Mine's almost clear." Ranma paused before speaking again. "I wonder how the toilet at my real home is like…"

"I'm sure it's pretty much the same."

Ranma shrugged. "I guess. Do you stand up when you pee?" he asked.

"Of course not! It will get messy."

"What, the pee?"

Akane laughed. "No, the toilet will get messy," she said.

"Oh right. What about poop? Do you stand while pooping?"

"Okay, that's just ridiculous. It might drop onto the bathroom floor," Akane said with a chuckle at her own joke.

Ranma laughed at that, almost falling off the chair. "That was a good one."

"I saw my father naked once," Akane said.

"In the toilet?"

"Yup…it gave me the creeps." Akane then shuddered. "I saw Nabiki peeing once, by accident."

"Whoa, really?" Ranma was surprised.

"Yeah. We laughed so hard until I peed and Nabiki made a mess in the toilet," Akane continued.

Ranma and Akane then laughed, almost falling off their seats.

"Oh, boy…" Ranma said.

"Do you stand while peeing?" Akane asked Ranma's question.

"Sometimes. I once peed when I was a girl and made a mess," Ranma answered. Akane laughed at that. "There was this one time when I was a girl and I peed. I slipped and the pee hit my body, changing me back to a guy," Ranma continued. Akane burst out laughing and fell onto her bed. Ranma laughed along as well at the memory. They stopped to catch their breaths.

"Say, how did you pee out in the wild?" Akane asked.

"You just, let it go. I once accidentally peed on a sleeping deer and then it chased me."

Ranma and Akane laughed at that.

"Did you manage to get away?" Akane asked, after catching her breath.

"Nope. It held me down and then peed on me."

Ranma and Akane then burst out laughing.

"What is your favorite part of the toilet?" Ranma asked.

"Um…the sink," Akane answered unsurely.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Toilets in airplanes are small," Akane stated.

"Really?"

"Oh right. You haven't been in one," Akane said. "Yup, it's pretty small. We all took a plane once to go to Hokkaido. I don't really remember why we went there."

"How about on a train?"

"It was all shaking. Makes it harder," Akane said.

"Ain't it supposed to be easier to pee?" Ranma asked.

"No, I meant it's harder to keep the pee from spraying all around."

Both of them laughed.

"Hey, try imagining you're in the plane's toilet. You're peeing when suddenly the plane shook violently," Akane said. They paused to imagine for a while. Then they burst out laughing. Ranma fell off the chair and was rolling on the floor. Akane was laughing on her stomach while she repeatedly pounded her bed with her fist.

"Oh…Oh god…" Ranma said before he laughed again.

"Oh…Oh…" Akane began before laughing again. Meanwhile, Nabiki was reading a financing magazine while she listened to the two laughing. She couldn't help chuckling as well.

"Hey, you know what? I got an idea," Ranma said with a big smile on his face.

"Tell me," Akane said. She leaned in as Ranma told her.

Later that evening…after dinner…

"Everyone, Ranma and I are going to sing something to all of you," Akane announced at the gathered family. She and Ranma sat in front of them all.

"You have done something together! Oh, the schools will soon be joined!" Soun said as he began to cry ridiculously happily. He danced around with an equally happy Genma.

"Just listen okay," Akane said. Then, she looked at Ranma. Ranma then began.

"_I'm a little toilet, short and round,_

_Here is my bowl, here is my flusher,_

_When the poop is falling, here me 'plop',_

_Press the flusher and it goes away."_

Just as Ranma finished, he and Akane dropped down laughing. It wasn't long before everyone started laughing.

"Your turn Akane," Ranma said.

"_Itsy bitsy spider drowning in the bowl,_

_Down came the pee and washed the spider up,_

_Down came the poop and hit the little spider,_

_And the itsy bitsy spider was never seen again."_

All of them laughed again. Akane and Ranma were clutching their sides. Soun and Genma laughed while hugging each other. Nabiki laughed, her head on the table, her fist pounding the dining table. Kasumi was on her back, laughing like she never did before, her legs swinging up and down wildly.

"Okay, there's one more," Ranma said. This time, both sung together.

"_Mary likes to pee and poo, pee and poo, pee and poo,_

_Mary likes to pee and poo, in the toilet bowl._

_And everywhere that Mary went, Mary went, Mary went,_

_And everywhere that Mary went, the toilet was always there._

_It followed her to school one day, school one day, school one day,_

_It followed her to school one day, which was against the rules._

_It made the children laugh and die, laugh and die, laugh and die,_

_It made the children laugh and die, to hear this nursery rhyme."_

Everyone laughed very hard. Every part of them hurt as they continued to laugh. That night, none of them could get a wink of sleep. They all talked about toilets and laughed all night long. The residents near there couldn't get any sleep either. Their laughs echoed around the streets of Nerima.

The End.

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ROFL! LMFAO! Okay…maybe some of you might think that this fanfic was gross, but I was bored. What could I do? I was chatting with my friend and we talked about toilets. I brought the topic up. We talked about it for about an hour. Some of the dialogues in here are actual dialogues from our chatting. The nursery rhymes "I'm A Little Toilet", "Itsy Bitsy Spider, Drowning in the Bowl", "Mary Likes to Pee and Poo" are parodies of the original nursery rhymes and are owned by me. I repeat; I don't own the original ones, just the parodies. All types of reviews are welcomed. I hoped you laughed as much as I did.


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